11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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