have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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