Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She needs sedatives and a leash
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
