the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
