I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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