Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
