I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
