How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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