You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
