She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
