please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im just a social blackout drinker.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
