I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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