just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
