Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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