Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
