I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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