So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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