I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
