Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
