Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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