youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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