we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
