he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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