The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
