Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
