when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize