Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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