I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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