As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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