if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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