hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
