I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
