So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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