i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
