in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
