I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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