he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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