im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
