I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
