I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
