Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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