tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
