Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were destined to go to rehab together
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
