I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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