also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
