dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
