ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
