I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
one two three fourrrrnication!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
