Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
