that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
