...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
