I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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