Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
