you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize