She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
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the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize