i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
