I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
