goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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