Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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