what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
