it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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