she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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