my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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